


Selfish

by RobinsonsWereHere



Category: Lost in Space (TV 2018)
Genre: Angst, Angst and Feels, Arguing, F/M, Feels, Lies, Long-Distance Relationship, Pre-Canon, You Have Been Warned, all of this was written when I should’ve been asleep, insomniac!Maureen, no happy ending, proofreading is for chumps
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-11
Updated: 2020-07-11
Packaged: 2021-03-05 02:01:50
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 999
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25196623
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RobinsonsWereHere/pseuds/RobinsonsWereHere
Summary: John is worried that Maureen’s job is getting too dangerous, as opposition to the Alpha Centauri project grows. But knowing that he voluntarily went back into a war zone, Maureen doesn’t want to hear it.
Relationships: John Robinson/Maureen Robinson
Comments: 8
Kudos: 14





	Selfish

**Author's Note:**

> I meant to proofread and edit this and turn it into a Real Thing but it’s been A Day. I’m posting as-is, hope it’s not too clunky 😬

Maureen is tired.

She’s always tired, these days.

Get up. Don’t think about John. Make sure the kids eat. Drive them to the bus stop; even the end of their driveway is no longer safe. Drive to work. Don’t think about John. Wait for the security team to send an escort to get her from the car to the lab. Study schematics. Draw more. Redraw. Test their ideas, if they’re lucky. Eat only in the lab compound; outside the mobs are thick and threatening. Meetings and paperwork and math that’s slowly ceasing to be fun. Don’t think about John. Security escort to her car. Drive home. Don’t think about John. Get the kids from school. Make dinner... or order it. Help the kids with homework. Be a single parent when she shouldn’t have to be. Don’t think about John. Try to sleep. Don’t think about John.

Repeat.

It’s exhausting. But as with every other stressful period of her life, she’s sleeping less, not more. She wanders the house at night, checking on the kids, checking on the perimeter fence. Even when she knows it’s activated, she still shudders to think of the angry, desperate hands that grab at her on her way into work, and if they could find her and get to her here.

It’s not even herself she’s worried about; it’s never herself. When she’s afraid, she’s afraid for her kids.

Judy knows too much about the ugly outside world. Penny knows enough, enough that, more than once, she’s asked if Maureen  _ has  _ to go to work. Will only knows that it’s not safe to go outside without a mask and one of his sisters.

Maureen hates that they’re growing up in this crumbling world, but then again, isn’t that why she’s doing this? The long hours, the impossible math, even the angry mobs, are all getting them closer to space, to a new life, a fresh start. All of the energy and passion she carries for her work is fueled by the need to keep her family safe. She just wants her kids to lead happy lives, ones that don’t balance on the precipice of a society in collapse.

Her kids keep her going. They make the hardships and danger worth it. They are the pros outweighing all the cons. But apparently, not everyone agrees with her.

She doesn’t even want to talk to John, doesn’t feel like there’s anything to say. Finding the letter had torn her apart, torn  _ them  _ apart. But she’s not going to deprive her children of their father, or rather, what little they have of him while he’s so far away.

_By choice_.

Maureen shakes herself, pushing the memory away as Will hands her the phone. “We all said goodnight,” he reports, looking sadly at the numbers on the screen.

She pulls him in and kisses his hair. “Alright. It’s late, honey. You go get in bed, and I’ll come tuck you in soon.”

Ideally, her goodbye to John will be quick and painless, and she can get on with her sleepless night. But as she lifts the phone to her ear, the tone of her husband’s voice tells her that’s not what’s going to happen.

“Hey, Maureen,” he says. He sounds tired. She probably does, too.

“John,” she responds, trying to keep her tone empty of emotion.

“How... how are you?” He seems hesitant, probably because she’s been shutting him down most of the times they talk. She doesn’t intend to stop.

“Fine. Tired. Hoping to go to bed.” It’s a lie, but maybe he’ll take a hint.

“How’s work?”

Maureen makes a noise between a sigh and a huff. “John, why do you care?”

She hears him take a deep breath. “I’ve seen the news, Maureen. We’re not totally cut off here. I know things are getting dangerous around the labs working on Alpha Centauri.”

Maureen can’t help but scoff. “Oh,  _ my  _ job is dangerous?”

“Yeah.” He sounds blunt and unrepentant.

“John, please tell me you see the irony here.”

“Alright, I get what you’re trying to say, but Maureen, my job is  _ supposed  _ to be dangerous. I signed up to go to war. You— you signed up to build a spaceship!”

“A spaceship that will save hundreds—  _thousands_ —  of people who are currently doomed to die with this planet!”

“I’m just saying, Maureen, it’s a little selfish.”

Maureen goes still, disbelief stealing her breath. He can’t have said what she thinks she heard. “Excuse me?”

“Look, I know this is what you love, I know space is your passion, but maybe— hear me out, okay? Maybe your safety should come first.”

She barely holds back a gasp of indignation.  _ Maybe your safety should come above playing the hero,  _ she wants to say.

“John, I think you’re exaggerating.”

“I helped set up that fence, Maureen. I know what’s on the other side of it. Doesn’t all of that scare you?”

“Yes!” She’s long since stopped trying to hide her frustration. “Yes, John, that’s why I’m doing this! Our world is falling apart. We need to reach another one before it’s too late.”

“The world isn’t a fairytale, Maureen! Don’t you have more important thing to think about?”

“Don’t you!?” Her anger burns the back of her throat, rubbing her words raw. She holds the phone between her shoulder and her ear, pressing the heels of her hands into her eyes as if she can stop the prickling tears. “John, I’m sorry, but you don’t get to decide what’s important to me, what’s important to this family, anymore. while you’re off playing the hero, I’m working  _ and  _ raising all three of our children. So don’t talk to me about being  _selfish_.”

There’s a long silence on the other end. “Maureen, I—“

She cuts him off. “John, no.” She’s suddenly even more tired than she was at the start of this conversation. “I’m going to bed. Goodnight.”

“Goodnight,” he says with a sigh.

She hangs up on his I love you.

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading! I love to get comments and kudos, and if you want to talk more, you can find me on tumblr at bijulesohara !


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